Anatomy of a Dress

to Unnarrator
date Thu, Sep 25, 2008 at 5:12 PM
subject Autopsy of a Love Letter, Daphne Gottlieb

By the time
you get this,
I’ll be gone
I’m leaving

so what I
suggest to you
is

forget me.

(english muffin)

Look… you’re
very mature
for your

(plum)

age but you’re
still 15 years
old and I’m

(ice water)

22.
It was fun

[The pill works]

but it was doomed

[by stopping ovulation]

from the start

[and is 95 percent effective]

(tossed greens w/ fat free)

[when swallowed]

and honestly,
you’re

(ice water)

you’re too young

[at the same time every day]

and I can’t let
myself love
you

[Caution must be taken using]

(potato chips, candy bars,
pretzels, ice cream, sugar
cookies.)

The whole
point is, I get

[other medications, or]

(Ipecac)

really sore

[during episodes of nausea or]

sometimes

[vomiting]

where you’re
concerned.

(mouthwash)

I know what I
did to you

(ice water)

[Take your pill daily]

and still

[as part of a routine]

I have always
found you

(muffin)

heart
breakingly
sweet

[when brushing your teeth]

insanely

(cookie)

sexy

[getting ready for bed]

irresistably
self analytical.

(ice water)

I could never
let myself
need you.

to farren stanley
date Thu, Sep 25, 2008 at 6:17 PM
subject Re: Autopsy of a Love Letter, Daphne Gottlieb

Wow! So what do you

(pan-seared ahi)

[bulimic]

think?

PS–definitely giving this to my students next week though!

to Unnarrator
date Thu, Sep 25, 2008 at 7:17 PM
subject Re: Autopsy of a Love Letter, Daphne Gottlieb

Exactly–you hit the nail on the head there– I think it’s a great tool for discussing with young/inexperienced writers/poets formal ways to create subtext in a poem and the necessity of subtext for successful execution, which is why I sent it to Dana and to J-Lev, who does not teach but who is working on a really great story about a tween who is toeing that line and thinking about taking a headlong leap into an ED. (It’s a great story–you should def read it.) But I digress!
I think this is a great lesson to young poets: Readers will not trust or maybe just appreciate the poem that says You fucked me. I had a pregnancy scare. I am obsessed with food but I feel fat so I throw it up. I feel too much when you’re around so we have to break up. By the way I may also be writing a love letter to food. (Unless its by Sharon Olds, but y’know.–actually that might be an interesting lesson plan for intermediate poets. WHY is Sharon Olds style authority appealing, but really only for Sharon Olds?)
Also a possibly excellent gateway into a discussion about UNRELIABLE NARRATORS of the archetypal, not bloggy, kinds. I mean, I dunno. I wouldn’t have thought of it as a 19 year-old. Also, as a 19 year-old, this sort of thing would have blown my mind.

XOFS